Deadpool Secrets: The 5 Best

I’ll Take Bea Arthur & Chimichangas for $500, Alex

Wolverine:You know what your problem is, Deadpool? Ya never learned to take anything seriously.”
Deadpool:Is that my problem? I thought my problem was that I was crazy.

Deadpool #195

You know him, you tolerate him, it’s the Regenerating Degenerate: Deadpool! You wouldn’t think a motor-mouthed mercenary with no internal filter would be able to keep secrets, but there are a few even he shuts up about. 

So what skeletons are tastefully displayed in fedoras and clown costumes in Deadpool’s closet? Let’s find out.

#5 Courting Death

Thanos:I am watching you, Deadpool, and I do not like your attitude. The woman I love seems to love you. You see, I have built a shrine to her, so I will not let you die and come between us. No, you will never know Death’s loving embrace.

Deadpool: Funeral For a Freak

It’s no secret that Deadpool dies a lot. He’s been stabbed, crushed, incinerated, liquefied, and killed in various painful ways. The constant deaths and immediate revivals soon attracted the attention of Death herself. Or maybe she was just curious who was playing metaphorical ding-dong-ditch with her realm.

Death soon found herself enamored with Deadpool’s goofy nature. They began a casual relationship, with Deadpool being even more reckless than usual so he could keep visiting her in the moments before he healed. Of course, what’s a tale of boy meets anthropomorphic personification without a jealous third wheel? Really boring, that’s what!

Thanos learned that the love of his afterlife was dating Deadpool. Despite his desire to annihilate this interloper, he knew doing so would make it harder to woo Death. He decided to break the two up by cursing Deadpool with immortality. After all, how could Deadpool date Death if he can’t die to begin with? What a jerk.

This is the most well known of the Deadpool secrets, but we’re just getting started.

#4 Royal Wedding

Shiklah:To prevent you from leveraging my people to force me to take your hand… I married Deadpool! He said “Let me put a ring on it.” That is the parlance of the time, is it not?

Deadpool: Dracula’s Gauntlet

Death and Bea Arthur are Deadpool’s best known love interests, but there’s only one woman he ever got hitched to.

Vampires bring Deadpool to a castle following a routine mission. He meets none other than Count Dracula, who hires him to retrieve a casket from the Middle East. Deadpool retrieves the casket but it is forced open during a scuffle with a Minotaur. You know, normal transit problems.

In a twist straight out of Firefly, the casket contains a superpowered woman. This is Shiklah, Succubus Queen of the Undead and Dracula’s would-be bride. She reluctantly goes with Deadpool after he defends her from Blade and other monster hunters. As time passes, she falls for his normally non-existent charms.

Shiklah soon learns that Dracula has murdered her brothers and only wants to marry her to take over her kingdom. Deadpool suggests they marry to spite him and she accepts. The newlyweds wage war on Dracula’s forces, eventually beating the sparkles out of the Vampire King.

Despite basing their marriage on mutual spite for Dracula, Deadpool and Shiklah stayed together for a surprisingly long time. Unfortunately, Shiklah’s demonic nature and evil tendencies eventually proved too much for Deadpool’s barely functioning conscience, and he sealed her away.

Huh, the first two Deadpool secrets involved him romancing women associated with death. We’re gonna take a quick intermission from that before we get to the most important girl in Deadpool’s life. And now, a word from our sponsors.

#3 The Deadpool Corps

Deadpool: [to Lady Deadpool] “Since you’re only slightly less sexy than me, you’re obviously the leader of this Motley Crew.”

Deadpool Kills Deadpool #1

Hey you! Yeah you, the person(s) of unidentified sex, age, race, and sexual preference reading this. Is there some jerk you hate? Someone you would like killed in horribly painful, yet comedic ways by assassins who don’t know the true meaning of “shut the hell up?” Well ol’ buddy, ol’ pal, ol’ conspirator to commit assassination in the first degree, it sounds like the Deadpool Corps are perfect for you!

The Deadpool Corps was founded by Deadpool, who had been recruited to kill an eldritch abomination threatening to devour the multiverse. Realizing that only he was immune to the creature’s powers, Deadpool traveled the universe recruiting alternate versions of himself.

The team’s main members are the somewhat sane Lady Deadpool, bratty Kidpool, canine Dogpool, and decapitated zombie Headpool. They are later joined by even crazier versions like Pandapool, Wizardpool, and even Beard of Beespool. As zany as these doppelgangers were, most of them were killed following a Deadpool Civil War orchestrated by the evil Dreadpool. Oh, we’ll get to that diseased maniac in a hot minute.

#2 The Butler Did It!

Deadpool: [throttling Butler] “This is for what you did to the girls.
Butler:No, it’s not what you think! I’ve solved death, and your d-
Deadpool:No more lies. I can’t keep looking over my shoulder, always wondering if you’re just out of sight, pulling my strings. That’s not a life.

Deadpool: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The previous Deadpool secrets were light-hearted, somewhat romantic, and fun. Well pack your joy away. The light is fading. We’re in the s*** and it’s about to get dark.

Batrol Utler was a scientist attached to the super soldier project Weapon X. He learned that his sister was dying of cancer and that Deadpool’s healing factor could save her. He kidnapped Deadpool and brainwashed the merc to keep him docile. Ulter conducted his research, but also began sending Deadpool on assassination missions, hiding behind the codename Butler.

Butler sometimes released Deadpool from his control to keep people from wondering where he was. Eventually, Deadpool figured out that he was being manipulated and investigated with help from Wolverine and Captain America. Their search led them to a mass grave of Deadpool’s victims, including his own parents.

Butler was already screwed, but he signed his death warrant when he held a little girl named Eleanor Camacho at gunpoint. What was so important about her? She is Deadpool’s daughter, who Butler had kidnapped as an infant in case Deadpool ever came after him. 

Deadpool saved Ellie and executed Butler. He brought her to a friend who would be able to keep her safe and kept his distance to protect her.

#1 Dreadpool: Killogy

Dreadpool: [having just got his ass kicked by the sisters from Little Women] ”I don’t get it. I killed Spider-Man, the Avengers, The X-Men… is it just me, or should I be having an easier time with these dusty old classics?

Deadpool: Killustrated

The ultimate Deadpool secret is his universe killing counterpart: Dreadpool. And you thought The Punisher was the only one to kill the Marvel Universe

First appearing in Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe, Dreadpool is an alternate Deadpool who was kidnapped by a villain called Psycho-Man and tortured to create the ultimate killing machine. Good news, Psycho-Man’s plan worked. The bad news is that his plan worked and turned Deadpool into a psychopath who began slaughtering the Marvel Universe, lambasting the gore-craving readers all the while.

Dreadpool began by shooting Spider-Man in the head. He continued his slaughter, gruesomely killing the universe’s strongest heroes with barely a struggle. Those unlucky few who were immortal or able to heal were contained in death traps that will torture them forever. Despite a valiant last stand by the villain Taskmaster, Dreadpool completed his genocide and began looking for new targets.

He next appeared in Deadpool: Killustrated, invading a realm called the Ideaverse. This world was made from classic literature, including characters that inspired Marvel heroes. Dreadpool planned to kill all the classical characters before they could inspire Marvel, retroactively destroying every Marvel universe. 

With no Headless Horseman, there’s no Ghost Rider. No Three Musketeers means no Avengers. Without the Little Women, heroines like Black Widow and She Hulk can’t exist. So on and so forth. Luckily, Dreadpool was soon defeated and kicked out of the Ideaverse by a team of Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Watson, Natty Bumbo, Hua Mulan, and Beowulf.

Dreadpool’s final appearance was in Deadpool Kills Deadpool, where he decided to slaughter every Deadpool in the multiverse to end his existence. He created an Evil Deadpool Corps to annihilate the normal Deadpool Corps, sparking an interdimensional Deadpool Civil War. By the end, only Deadpool and Dreadpool were left standing.

Deadpool called out Dreadpool on his stupid motives and unending slaughter. After a brutal fight, Dreadpool realized that Deadpool was right and allowed his good counterpart to kill him. Thus ended the saga of the universe slayer: Dreadpool.

Didya get all that?

There are some Deadpool secrets that even he can’t laugh off. And if you want to learn more Deadpool secrets, check out our exclusive Deadpool backstory and Mrs. Norman Maine’s review of the 2016 film.

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