I’m a paranormal investigator. Yeah, but are you REALLY?
Main Cast: Sarah McDonald, Nick Barelli
Director: Carlos Ayala
Normally I would start a review of a movie this terrible with a “you’re welcome” because I watched it so you don’t have to. But this one’s going to be gone from HBO before this review is live anyway, so never mind. And my God, you don’t want to see AMITYVILLE: Where the Echo Lives!
I’m up for anything with Amityville in the title, even though it’s almost always a guaranteed stinker. They haven’t made a good Amityville movie since 1982’s AMITYVILLE II: The Possession. And there have been like 200 Amityville movies since then, all of them crap. But this one doesn’t even deserve to live in the septic tank that holds the other crappy Amityville movies. I’m honestly not even sure why it’s got Amityville in the title!
I’m also not sure why it was on HBO. I’m not sure why it’s a movie that exists in the world outside of a high school film class, and even that’s a league above where this thing belongs. My daughter was in TAG for three years of high school and was involved in the making of three short films, all of which I would pit against AMITYVILLE: Where the Echo Lives any day of the week. And this one would lose, hands down, every single time.
The plot—I won’t say story, there’s no story here, just a bunch of random happenings on screen—involves Heather (Sarah McDonald), a 20-something paranormal investigator who is asked to check out a building that may or may not be haunted according to a cleaning lady. Over the course of the 90 minutes this movie takes up, Heather does four “investigations” into this building, which add up to about maybe 5 minutes of screen time, and I’m being generous. And by “investigations” I mean she sits in a chair in the attic, turns on a camera, and waits. For what? Um, a weird sound? A ghostly voice? A shadow on the wall? I don’t know.
The rest of the time we watch her text with her friend John about not going back to his ex girlfriend because she doesn’t love him and he deserves better. We see her watch old horror movies—hell, we get to watch along with her at times—as she takes notes for some weird reason. The original versions of HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL and CARNIVAL OF SOULS make an appearance. We see her shower like three times, but there’s no nudity in this movie, so even that isn’t for titillation (no pun intended), just to pass the time I’m guessing?
And then there are the spots where the screen is totally black for long stretches while white text appears. See, a year ago, Heather’s dad died and she’s still dealing with those emotions so we get text on the screen as she talks out her feelings. It’s all kinds of interesting and exciting in this horror movie with “Amityville” in the title. Right after that, I wanted to go outside and watch the grass grow. In Missouri in December!
This travesty was written and directed by Carlos Ayala, who should really stick to his day job because there’s no way in hell he’s a full-time filmmaker.
Sarah McDonald desperately wants to be an actress, you can tell it in every line she delivers. But the material she’s given here is so mind-numbingly banal, Daniel Day Lewis couldn’t deliver these lines with any hint of authenticity. I am truly baffled by how in the world AMITYVILLE: Where the Echo Lives made it onto HBO. I can only assume someone in the programming department owed a favor or lost a bet.
This movie is so bad, I had to show it to my wife and daughter, just the highlights, like the FIVE FULL MINUTES of black screen we get (I timed it) throughout the entire movie. They think I show them these things because I don’t love them, and when the movie is this bad, I have a hard time making an argument that no, I really do love them more than anything. That’s why I want them to suffer along with me? Like I said, I have a hard time justifying my actions when it’s this bad.
For me, AMITYVILLE: Where the Echo Lives is going to go down in history as one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, one of the most baffling movies that’s ever come across my TV screen, and as proof that marketing is a powerful tool. Because if they had titled this movie what it really is, Woman Lives In Apartment and Watches Movies While Telling Everyone She’s Got a Job, no one would have watched it.
But you slap the word “Amityville” over the title and say it’s about ghosts, you’ve got yourself a built-in audience. Not a HUGE audience, I’m sure these “Amityville” movies can’t be doing big business, but surely someone’s gonna see it, and that’s someone more than was gonna watch this piece of crap otherwise. It just sucks that someone was me. I could have been doing so much more with my life during those 90 minutes. Lesson learned. Until next time. I wonder if AMITYVILLE BARBI: THE MOVIE is any good.
C. Dennis Moore is the author of over 60 published short stories and novellas in the speculative fiction genre. Most recent appearances are in the Dark Highlands 2, What Fears Become, Dead Bait 3 and Dark Highways anthologies. His novels are Revelations, and the Angel Hill stories, The Man in the Window, The Third Floor, and The Flip.
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