I’ll take “Hell Yes!” for $500, Alex!
Freddie Freeman: “What are your superpowers?”
Shazam! (2019)
Shazam: “Superpowers? [gestures to his costume] I don’t even know how to pee in this thing.”
Who doesn’t want superpowers? To emerge from a crowd with the ability to move mountains, survive anything, or rain death from the skies? No one, that’s who. But what superpower is the best?
Most superheroes have a few powers, rarely more than four. Superman has at least ten that are awesome. But what if you could have only one power? What are the five superpowers you would want? Here are ours.
Scene Select
#5 Superpower: Flight
Best exemplified by Superman
Superman: [rescuing Lois Lane] “Easy, miss. I’ve got you.”
Superman: The Movie (1978)
Lois: “You’ve got me? [realizes they’re still in mid-air] Who’s got you?!”
Let’s get the obvious out of the way. People really want to fly. There are airplanes, helicopters, hot air balloons and more, but everyone has always wanted to leap into the sky and stay there. You could travel anywhere without tiring. Who needs to worry about traffic when you can fly over gridlock? And if you somehow got bored, you could throw water balloons at the groundcrawlers.
The Catch: Air is thinner at higher altitudes, so you might have trouble breathing. If you pass out while flying, crews will need one big spatula to scrape your remains from the ground. Bratty kids and jealous types will probably shine laser pointers into the sky to screw with you. Oh, and the FAA is going to absolutely hate you.
#4 Shapeshifting
Best exemplified by The Hulk
[An evil magician is transforming the Titans into animals]
Teen Titans, “Bunny Raven… or… How to Make A Titananimal Disappear!” (Season 3, Episode 11)
Beast Boy: “Well what’cha gonna do to me? I already turn into animals!”
[the magician tries repeatedly, only for Beast Boy to turn back into a human]
Mumbo: “Good point. Mumbo Jumbo!” [turns him into a lamp]
Nothing tops shapeshifting for versatility. A master of disguise, shapeshifters can disappear anywhere. They can slither into cracks too small for anything else, and if a bad guy catches them, turn into Godzilla and smash them. Being able to turn into animals and use their powers is just a fringe benefit that some have.
The Catch: Using shapeshifting powers to their full potential requires a lot of study in many fields. There are identity crises and body issues as well. When you can be anything and anyone, the last thing some people want to be is themselves.
#3 Superpower: Healing Factor
Best exemplified by Wolverine
Pierce: “Whatever I do, I just…re-grow.“
Lucifer, “Til Death Do Us Part” (Season 3, Episode 13)
Lucifer: “Like a blue-eyed, square-jawed tapeworm. So, if I cut you exactly in half, would there be two Pierces?”
Pierce: “No. Only one side would heal. You see, I call it the “master molecule theory”–
Lucifer: “Yes, yes, Wolverine Rules, I get it.”
You already have a weak version of this power. It’s what allows your body to reconstruct itself when you get hurt. But how useful would a superpowered healing factor be? You could recover from catastrophic damage assuming you aren’t killed outright. You would never have to fear disease or illness. Some superpowered healing factors even slow down a person’s aging, making them effectively immortal.
The Catch: A stronger version of the average healing factor already exists because cancer rewrites its victim’s cells. Even without cancer, a superpowered healing factor might shorten your life if it isn’t refreshing your cells and cause them to fail sooner. You’ll also have trouble fixing broken bones, possibly requiring doctors to re-break them if they set incorrectly.
#2 Superpower: Time Manipulation
Best exemplified by: Doctor Strange
Dr. Strange: [bored] “Dormammu, I’ve come to bargain.”
Doctor Strange (2016)
Dormammu: “What is happening?”
Dr. Strange: “Just as you gave Kaecilius powers from your dimension, I brought a little power from mine. This… is time. Endless looped time.”
Dormammu: “You DARE!?”
[He kills Strange again, only for time to rewind yet again]
Dr. Strange: [reappearing] “Dormammu, I’ve come to bargain.”
Dormammu: “You cannot do this forever.”
Dr. Strange: “Actually, I can. This is how things are now! You and me. Trapped in this moment. Endlessly.”
Time manipulation is so overpowered it isn’t funny. You’re running late for a meeting? Travel back in time so you’re early. In-laws visiting? Fast forward time. Screw something up? Go back five minutes and do it right this time.
You could reverse cellular degeneration, making yourself immortal. If you somehow got bored, you could even use this superpower to go time traveling. Take a date to see Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock. Sing Hamilton songs during the Revolutionary War. Hide a pack of velociraptors in Hitler’s bathroom and see if he notices.
The Catch: Surprisingly few problems. Losing control of your powers might trap you in a world where time has stopped. You’ll find out the hard way if temporal paradoxes can destroy the space-time yadda yadda yadda. There might also be some sort of time police on your case for screwing with history. And The Doctor. He will definitely want to get involved.
#1 Superpower: Reality Warping
Best exemplified by: Thanos
Thanos: “The Reality Stone. Not even you would surrender anything so precious.”
Avengers: Infinity War
The Collector: “I didn’t know what it was!”
Thanos: “Then you are more of a fool than I took you for.”
Reality warping is the ultimate superpower and one we really want.
On the lower end of the spectrum you can alter anything around you. Turn a pile of trash into food for the homeless. Change a gun to a textbook. Turn a bigoted murderer into the next Mother Teresa. But then it gets bigger.
On the higher end of the spectrum you are indistinguishable from a god. You could tear a friend from Death’s clutches. You could destroy worlds. And if someone says what you’re doing is wrong, you can rewrite reality to make it right.
The Catch: The only question is when this amount of power corrupts you. You’ll be hunted by those who would use your powers for their own gain. Other reality warpers would probably try and kill you so you can’t interfere with them. Finally, you’d probably will your powers away because they would remove all challenge from living. That much power is boring.
Any superpower would be nice to have. But have you ever considered which seemingly great superpowers you wouldn’t want? Next time, folks. ‘Til then, use the comments to tell us what power you want.
Jared Bounacos has written for Movie Rewind since 2016.
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