Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus

Rating:

Oh, It’s a Croco-Something, Alright.

Main Cast: Jaleel White

Director: Christopher Ray

So the giant octopus is dead. Now what’s a mega shark to do? Isn’t it obvious? Now it’s time to shut that crocosaurus up. That punk’s had it coming for a long time.

In the 2010 follow up to the mega hit Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, the latest installment, Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus takes everything cheesy and stupid about the first movie and goes ten steps further.

Dr. Terry McCormick (Jaleel White, “Family Matters”) discovers the mega shark is still alive and, together with Agent Hutchison (Sara Lieving, The Beast of Bray Road) and fortune hunter Nigel Putnam (Gary Stretch, Alexander), this trio makes every attempt to fell to two massive beasts before their battle destroys the entire coast. And the reason for the battle is really just a big misunderstanding. The crocosaurus has laid a number of ten feet tall eggs, which the mega shark now wants to eat. And who could blame it, it’s a mega shark! It’s got quite the appetite.

Mama croc, however, doesn’t think so and the ancient creatures are soon locked in a fight to the death while the US Navy unleashes a barrage of weapons in hopes of saving the lives of countless civilians.

Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus is a terrible movie. Not only is it incredibly boring and, at times, incomprehensible, but these were literally some of the worst special effects I’ve seen in a movie made in the 2000s. The mega shark and the crocosaurus both had all the CGI rendering of the VR graphics for The Lawnmower Man. And that was made in 1992!

The plot is a haphazard mélange of military jargon and sciencey techno speak mixed in with a series of first generation level CGI battles between two monsters that couldn’t have looked more fake if they’d had zippers along their spines.

Jaleel White seems out of place and unsure where he is while Stretch and Lieving are doing their best tough guy and tough girl routines, but the material is so badly written it’s simply impossible to take either of them seriously.

“Star Trek: Voyager”s Robert Picardo appears as Admiral Calvin, but I’m pretty sure his biggest contribution to this travesty was the scene where he broke his cigar in exasperation.

I love cheesy movies, and when they’re cheesy Asylum movies, I’ll totally on board. But this movie just baffles me. Sure MSvGO was a surprise hit, as far as Asylum movies go, so sure a sequel seemed like a no brainer, but while MSvGO was dumb but entertaining, Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus is just dumb and boring. I never felt a sense of impending doom, nor did I care which characters were taken out. The movie, to me, felt like all style and no substance. The problem was, the style was pretty bad, too. I highly recommend giving MSvGO a chance, it’s bad in all the right ways. This movie, though, nah, you can totally skip it.

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