Classic Monsters: Ranking the Top 5

Classic Monsters: The Great Grandparents of Horror

Humanity loves creating monsters. From the first night we conceived language, we were spreading word of bogeys and nightmares that wanted to kill us. The flavor has changed over time, from mix-and-match animals to madmen with chainsaws. The classic monsters endured through the ages.

Classic monsters are the ancestors of modern slashers and horror movies, the creatures every child fears is under their bed or hiding in their closet. The Big Bad Wolves, Frankensteins, and everything that’s ever gone bump in the night. So what are the top 5 classic monsters? How do you survive when they’re after you? Let’s find out.

Honorable Mention: Medusa

Movies: Clash of the Titans, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Stories change over time. Each repetition alters details and portrayals based on the storyteller’s intentions. The most famous femme fatale was humanized over centuries.

Medusa was one of the Gorgons, monstrous snake-like women with tusks and claws. She lived with her sisters Euryale and Stheno on a deserted island. Any intruders were turned to stone by Medusa’s hideous face, though later tellings made the petrification magical.

Greek hero Perseus was commanded to kill Medusa to save his mother from a cruel king. He broke into her home while she was asleep and used a reflective shield to find her. Perseus cut off her head and kept it as an unstoppable weapon. Two children were born from Medusa’s spilled blood, the winged horse Pegasus and a forgotten warrior named Chrysaor.

Roman poet Ovid rewrote the story into a tragedy. His Medusa was a beautiful priest of Athena who was raped by Poseidon in the goddess’ temple. Athena cursed Medusa for breaking her vow of chastity by transforming her into a Gorgon.

Sympathetic tellings portray the curse as a blessing in disguise, Athena protecting Medusa from being raped again while doling out a punishment to save face. Medusa’s curse complicates Perseus’ actions. He’s sympathetic because he’s trying to save his mother, but now Perseus is assassinating a cursed rape survivor in her sleep. Not a great look for a hero.

Survival Strategies: It’s hard to stumble across Medusa unless you’re in Greece. If you must approach her island, wear a blindfold and listen for slithering. Be kind. Speak carefully about Athena and never praise Poseidon.

#5 Classic Monster: Witch

Movies: The Craft, The Wizard of Oz, Bewitched, The VVitch

Double, double, charm and spell, spirits dance where legends dwell, history’s wrongs now put to flight, this classic monster claims the night!

Witches are one of the most widespread classic monsters. A woman who has sold her soul and likely performed unspeakable acts for the sake of wielding unholy black magic. Twisted mavens cursing cattle, bedeviling God-fearing patriarchs with unseen hexes, and escaping from their just punishments. Or just a way to vilify women in general.

Like Medusa, witches have also been redeemed in pop culture. Science reduced fear of powers that can’t exist and good magic users were becoming more popular. The narrative shifted from all spells being evil to magic being a great power that must be wielded with great responsibility. Even the Wicked Witch of the West is now portrayed as a rebel fighting against corrupt authority.

Survival Strategies: Pregame by gathering holy symbols or herbs like Moly. Be courteous. Don’t take any potions offered unless the witch has agreed not to harm you. Same for accepting spells cast upon you. If attacked, rush the witch and pray that they aren’t skilled at melee combat.

#4 Djinn

Movies: Wishmaster, Aladdin, The Fairly Oddparents: Fairy Idol

Everyone wants something. The starving child wants food, the lonely rich man wants friends, a widow would give anything to see her spouse again. What if there was a way to get it with just one word? But if you meet this classic monster, be careful what you wish for. You just may get it.

Djinn were Allah’s first creation with free will. They had powerful magic that could be used however they wished. Humans led by Suliman were ordained by Allah to trap evil djinn in lamps and rings. Suliman was the only one able to command their magic, though later stories said that anyone with the relic could do so.

The djinn’s story is an easy three-act morality play. The human makes a small wish to prove that it works, perhaps for a sandwich. The second wish is always the big one that the story revolves around: power, wealth, love, or resurrection. The final wish cancels out the second wish. 

The biggest danger with a djinn is how the wish is interpreted. Most of them will take any request literally. You ask for a million bucks? Enjoy your army of deer. You might find a benevolent, Robin Williams genie who fulfills the spirit and letter of the wish. You’re more likely to discover a mischievous Barbara Eden Jeanie. If you’re really unlucky, you’ll free an Andrew Divoff djinn who twists anything that sounds like a wish to murder and mayhem.

Survival Strategies: Don’t try to outwit the djinn. They’ve heard it all and even the nice ones won’t appreciate you screwing with them. Be careful how you word your wishes. Don’t let them trick you into thinking you only have three wishes. Make sure the djinn’s relic is well-hidden when you aren’t wishing. Above all else: Never. Free. The Djinn.

#3 Werewolf

Movies: The Wolf Man, An American Werewolf in London, The Howling

Many people restrain their own instincts. They don’t make cruel comments or punch people who annoy them. But that initial impulse is still there. What would it be like to slip the leash and free the beast under the full moon’s light?  To no longer be a human, but a classic monster?

There are two types of werewolves in fiction. The first is the willing werewolf, one able to change whenever they want. It could be through superpowers or an unholy wolfskin they sold their soul for. This type is usually a feral berserker who acts bestial even in human form, growing worse as the moon waxes.

Cursed werewolves are far more popular. The everyman who survives a werewolf attack and is forced to become a wolf during the full moon. Curse victims often brood about their fate and how their only options are to die or kill others.

Survival Strategies: Determine if the werewolf is cursed or willing. If cursed, chain them each night of the full moon in a sturdy room and treat them like people the rest of the month. If they’re willingly werewolves, kill them before they can transform and burn their artifacts. Either type can be held back with wolfsbane or ash wood, and slain with silver weapons.

#2 Classic Monster: Vampire

Movies: Dracula, The Lost Boys, Let the Right One In, Salem’s Lot, Sinners

Death is a door that many would give anything to avoid opening. But in fiction, it also opens from the other side… for a price, perhaps a half-life sustained by the blood of the living, bound by vulnerability to all things holy. But for some, that price is worth it to become a classic monster. A vampire.

Every culture has their own vampire legends with unique traits. Chinese Jiangshi track victims by their breath and hop after them, draining spiritual life force called ki. Malaysian Penanggalan are women whose disembodied heads (dragging their entrails) feed on children. Sesame Street’s Count Von Count appears on TV to teach children about numbers. All are evil.

Four vampires solidified the tropes. Varney was the first vampire with fangs and a name. Carmilla brought in castles and romanticism. Count Dracula shone a spotlight on vampires and solidified how pop culture saw them. Count Orlok introduced their iconic weakness to sunlight. Every vampire before him could tolerate it, but Orlok was incinerated to hide that Nosferatu was plagiarizing Dracula.

Survival Strategies: Sunlight is your friend, pre or post-Nosferatu. Holy symbols, purifying herbs, and running water can hold them back. Vampires can’t enter your home without invitations. If you catch one, a stake through the heart followed by decapitation and fire should do the trick.

#1 Dragon

Movies: The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, Reign of Fire, Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

There is only one choice for the greatest classic monster, the despoilers of princesses, monarchs of ash and flame, the beasts that could oppose gods: the dragons.

Dragons, like vampires, vary depending on the region. They were revered as semi-divine forces in Asia. The Book of Revelations cast Satan as a seven-headed dragon. Typhon from Greek mythology had one hundred dragon heads and defeated the Olympians before Zeus slammed a mountain on him to imprison Typhon.

Dragon stories eventually settled on them being giant, fire-breathing winged reptiles. They spend their days sleeping on hoards of treasure, kidnapping princesses for food or fun, and battling knights. Dragons remain the strongest monsters in modern stories, but rarely take the Big Bad role.

Survival Strategies: Find shelter that’s strong and hard to burn. You’ll need magic weapons or divine intervention to kill them. Tanks and RPGs might work in a pinch. Aim for the underbelly, eyes, or open mouth. If they have a prophesied weak spot, shoot that.

What Classic Monster would you have feared in ye olden days? Is there one scarier than these? Tell us in the comments.

Photograph by Courtesy of HBO

Jared Bounacos

Jared Bounacos has written for Movie Rewind since 2016.