Happening
Absolutely Craptacular
Who keeps giving M. Night Shyamalan money? Whoever it is, they should stop – he just makes movies with it and I can’t take any more. He’s a one hit wonder with the tenacity of the Energizer bunny, trying in vain to replicate the success of The Sixth Sense. The latest in the long line of Shyamadebacles is The Happening. Even the title sucks.
Mark Wahlberg (oh, honey, you can do better than this) stars as Elliot, a science teacher in Philadelphia. Though we’ve already seen it happen, word gets to them that something has happened in NYC. Terrorist attack or something, with lots of people dead by their own hands. We know that isn’t quite right, but we get to watch them bumble along as they figure it out as well.
Cue troubled relationship with wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel – oh, honey, you can do better than this) and pressure to get out of the city and we have our main characters on the run, trying to avoid offing themselves when The Happening Happens. With the child of a colleague along for the ride, this load of lameness trudges along to its boring conclusion. A conclusion, I might add, that is not only foreshadowed, but completely spelled out, within the first thirty minutes of the film.
I think Mark Wahlberg really does try to make Elliot interesting. But there’s only so much he can do when his dialogue is stilted and unnatural and his lines are remarkably hokey and contrived. Deschanel doesn’t even seem to be trying to do anything beyond making her eyes look really, really big – because that means she’s scared, people! The only bright spot is Betty Buckley as a crazy woman. She tosses some genuine jump scares in there with her freaky demeanor and downright creepy drawling vocal cadence.
There’s a reasonable amount of violence – each and every bit of it telegraphed well ahead of time so you can look away from the crappy special effects. None of it is scary, none of it is novel, not a single bit of it is necessary. The scenes where we know people are dying off screen are far more effective. Meaning they’re only mostly stupid rather than entirely stupid.
The one thing that Shyamalan can reliably produce is atmosphere. The initial events in Central Park hold a tiny bit of promise in their weirdness – right up to the moment when atmosphere gives way to action. During the “running away” potion of the film, there are a variety of rickety old houses and buildings out in the country that have a suitable feeling of neglect and decay. The house of Betty Buckley in particular is nicely done. Unfortunately all that nifty atmosphere is completely wasted on an idiotic screenplay. Bummer.
Short and sweet – avoid The Happening like the plague. If you absolutely must see everything Shyamalan does, then keep some earplugs handy and just watch the occasional pretty pictures. The rest is total crap.
