2012 Golden Globe Winners

January 16, 2012

One MAJOR Surprise!

Fine, it’s not an awards surprise.  But I did watch the show.  Well, part of the show.  Due to a DVR mishap I missed about an hour, which isn’t too bad considering that the run time for the show and pre-show feels like approximately 100 days.  I am afraid that I missed some Ricky Gervais banter, which makes me sad.  He was funny, but not as pointed as I expected and hoped.

Most of the celebs on hand were surly and petulant about the prospect of being the butt of a joke, which makes me crabby.  Let me tell you why (not that you care, but you can’t stop me now can you?).  These are people who have EVERYTHING.  Money, fame, money and more money.  The rest of the country is still trying to get on their feet after a devastating recession that cost a lot of people nearly everything.  If the pampered babies can’t come down from their cushioned mansions and let us laugh at their ridiculous foibles then they deserve exactly what they get – crappy box office numbers.  Why should we pay money (more every day at the theater) to see a bunch of simpering infants play act when they can’t even laugh at their own spoiled excess?  Maybe they should take a good look a the box office numbers from last year and ask themselves if they might want to come down off their little self-made pedestals and join the rest of the world if they want us to shell out any cash to see their work.

Okay, off the soapbox.  What’s the ONE MAJOR SURPRISE???  Is it that the entire cast of Modern Family is completely fabulous?  No, everyone already knew that (but Ty Burrell’s white suit, Eric Stonestreet’s pre-show interview and every single thing Sofia Vergara did all night proved it once again). Is it that Martin Scorsese has the most impressive eyebrows in all of Hollywood?  No, we already knew that, too.  The ONE MAJOR SURPRISE?

Jason Stackhouse in AUSTRALIAN!

Honestly, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  Ryan Kwanten, who plays Jason Stackhouse on the Showtime series True Blood, showed up on the red carpet to do a pre-show interview, opened his mouth and my jaw hit the floor.  Kwanten plays the ultimate deep southern boy on True Blood -  to hear the clipped Aussie accent coming out of his mouth (it actually sounded rather more cultured and British than Aussie, but what do I know?) made me Laugh Out Loud.  He’s always been one of my favorite characters on the show – right now he’s THE favorite character.

In other Globe Drama…yeah, there really was none.  People looked great, made nice speeches and took home awards.  Tina Fey is adorable, George Clooney gets more handsome every year and Angelina Jolie, probably through no fault of her own, comes off as a haughty bitch.  The Artist won a lot of awards but still looks like it would cause me physical pain to sit through it.  Morgan Freeman’s Cecil B. DeMille Award montage gave me the chills and reminded me that I really need to see Se7en again.  Gervais looked like he had a good time just scaring everybody with what might come out of his mouth, but it was Meryl Streep who got bleeped the longest.  I heart her muchly for that.

Here’s a list of the winners:

Best Motion Picture – Drama – The Descendants

I really want to see this – it’s still in theaters and hopefully I’ll get a chance when it hits the cheap screen.

Best Actress – Motion Picture Drama – Meryl Streep in Iron Lady

Honestly?  Never heard of it.  But she’s awesome.

Best Actor – Motion Picture Drama – George Clooney in The Descendants

A little surprised by this double win.  I wonder what Oscar will think?  Clooney looked utterly fabulous and was among those who seems to be able to laugh at themselves.  I love him for that.

Best Picture – Comedy or Musical – The Artist

I can’t stand it.  The clips give me a headache and make me want to cry.

Best Actress – Motion Picture Comedy or Musical – Michelle Williams in My Week with Marilyn

I doubt I’ll be seeing this one.  I have little interest in Marilyn Monroe and ever since Blue Valentine made me want to open an artery I’m scared of Michelle Williams.

Best Actor – Motion Picture Comedy or Musical – Jean Dujardin in The Artist

~sob~

Motion Picture Supporting Actress – Octavis Spencer in The Help

She rocked.  I’m glad she won and hope she repeats at The Oscars.

Motion Picture Supporting Actor – Christopher Plummer in Beginners

Yay!  He was great in this movie.  More people should see it and now, hopefully, they will.

Best Director – Motion Picture – Martin Scorsese for Hugo

Hugo is a beautiful movie, I have no complaints.  I doubt he’ll repeat at Oscar time.

Best Television Series – Drama – Homeland

I will be very excited when this starts coming out on DVD.  I don’t get Showtime so I have to wait.  Auuuggghhhh!

Best Actress – Television Drama – Claire Danes in Homeland

See above.

Best Actor – Television Series Drama – Kelsey Grammer in Boss

I missed this award, have never seen the show and have no feelings about it whatsoever.

Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical – Modern Family

♥

Best Actress – Television Series Comedy – Lara Dern in Enlightened

Again, I’ll have to wait.  I don’t have HBO!

Best Actor – Television Series Comedy – Matt LeBlanc in Episodes

This got lots of nominations.  I haven’t seen it – it could be fabulous.  But LeBlanc could not have come off as more boring and bland in his pre-show interviews.  I’m not waiting with bated breath.

There’s a bunch of other awards, for mini-series or made for TV movies and such, but they bore me.  The only highlights there were the supporting actor and actress awards.  Peter Dinklage is supposed to be amazing in Game of Thrones and I know that Jessica Lange hits it out of the park in every single episode of American Horror Story.  It was great to see them win.

So, another year, another Golden Globes.  It wasn’t as witty as I’d hoped and I’d like to bitch slap a few of the pewling, coddled stars who can’t handle a comedian who might actually make a joke about them but for the most part it was another beautiful evening filled with beautiful people through whom we can live vicariously for a few hours.  And for that we can thank you, Globes.  And you as well, Sofia Vergara.

Norman: The Saddest Hoarder Of Them All

January 3, 2012

I thought I was becoming immune…

You know, I can’t tell anymore what season of Hoarders we’re in.  I could have sworn that we started Season 5 in the fall, but according to the A&E website we just began last night.  It doesn’t really matter, but it’s another indication that I’m not keeping up with all these newfangled basic cable inventions.

Anyway, through the fall season I felt like I was starting to become immune to the plight of the hoarder.  The featured participants seemed to be getting nastier right along with their houses.  People willing to disown their children, have tantrums and blame everyone else for their situation – it was easy to see the disease but hard to be sympathetic to the afflicted.

Until Norman.  Norman brought back my faith that I am actually human and not without feelings.  For Norman is the saddest hoarder I’ve ever seen – and that includes the Glen the Rat Hoarder.

Norman is a man whose house is just as filled with junk as any other hoarder house, but his story is completely tragic.  Caught in a co-dependent relationship with an alcoholic, disabled girlfriend, Norman simply let his house devolve into squalor as he took care of her needs.  7 weeks before his Hoarders episode was filmed, his girlfriend died in the home, surrounded by debris.  The paramedics he called in a desperate attempt to save her and extract her from the home immediately reported the house and it was condemned.  Norman had to clean up or lose his house.

So here is a man deep in the throes of a very fresh grief, forced to face his hoarding demons.  He isn’t in denial, he isn’t obstinate, he blames nobody for his situation.  He’s simply resigned and defeated and horribly sad.

Hoarders newest therapist, Dr. Melva Green, does her best to handle both Norman’s grief over his lost love and his squalid home as well as helping his family come to terms with the situation.  Cory Chalmers (one of my favorite extreme cleaners) is on hand to be a calm but firm and steady voice of reason about the hoarding situation.  They both understand that Norman is deeply grieving but they need to keep him focused on the hoarding in order to keep him in his house and allow him to process the death of his girlfriend without the further loss of their shared home.

Norman is an amazing guy.  Quiet and thoughtful, he was articulate and so obviously hurting that I just wanted to leave him be and come back and address the hoard a few months later when his wounds weren’t so fresh.  He didn’t have that option and he knew it.  He manically began cleaning on the first day before being overwhelmed with grief and anger.  But even in his distress he didn’t lash out.  Dr. Green and Cory were able to talk him through it and after some time spent with his family he had something of an epiphany.

He recognized his illness.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen that actually happen on air before.  He had been drowning in the mess of his relationship and his trash for so long that he hadn’t stopped to open his eyes and see it for what it was – an illness.  Norman heard the words “you’re sick” and it was as though a light went on.  He looked around and saw his disease in every square inch of his home.  Quite remarkable and his work to clean as much as possible with the team on that second day showed he wasn’t just talking – he walked the walk.

Dr. Green said she felt very positive about Norman’s future.  The end of the episode certainly looked that way.  I hope they feature him on a “where are they now” episode next season.  I want to see a happy Norman, living in his own home and reconnecting with his family.  I can truly say I’ve never been so glad to see a Hoarders episode end on such a positive note.  Of all the people they have featured on the program over the years, Norman may be the one that I most want to see living a happy ending.

You can find more Hoarders articles and information at Everything Hoarders.

Soap Opera of the Damned

December 1, 2011

American Horror Story Gathers Steam

When I first wrote about American Horror Story I was impressed.  It was just getting started and was filled with sex, violence, bad language and loads of haunted house scary stuff.  It still is, and it just keeps getting better.

The peril of those first episodes was that they were scary but the story seemed contained and could have been self-limiting.  Family moves into haunted house and gets freaked out before either succumbing to the ghostly horrors or getting the hell out.  But creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk (who also created Glee – nobody can ever say these guys are limited in creative scope) clearly foresaw those hazards and are taking delicious steps to broaden the story and keep the entire Harmon family attached to their evil house.

Ben (Dylan McDermott), Vivien (Connie Britton) and Violet (Taissa Farmiga) have embarked upon a series of betrayals, lies, mistresses, crimes, deaths, pregnancies, secrets and misunderstandings that would make any good soap opera proud.  Add the delightful twists of graphic sex, violence and horror and you have a winner on all counts.  McDermott continues to be a sleazy weasel, the guy you love to watch squirm as his every misdeed comes back to haunt him – literally.  Britton continues to be our heroine, the ever-abused good girl who we can actively root for without feeling like complete perverts.  Farmiga’s role has evolved to allow her to be more sympathetic.  She’s not all good, but she does appear to at least have a soul at times.

Jessica Lange continues to chew the scenery in the finest way possible.  Good Lord she’s creepy and unpredictable and totally unstable.  This role must be an absolute joy to play – her character of Constance the next door neighbor is so completely over the top and vexing you can almost feel Lange rubbing her hands together with glee as she embarks on yet another lunatic plan.  Frances Conroy as eternal housekeeper Moira is matching Lange step for step with her rational logic countering Constance’s craziness, plus adding some crazy of her own.  She is a dead housekeeper, after all.  She wouldn’t be sticking around that house if she didn’t have issues.

What I’m really liking is the expanding world inside this haunted house.  More tormented spirits equals more potential complications, conflicting motives and complex shenanigans to keep us on our toes.  As things become more and more convoluted and soap-ish, the more delightful is the whole package.

If you have any interest at all in ghost stories and are not averse to R-rated material on your basic cable channels, give American Horror Story a try.  You might be scared, but you won’t be disappointed.  It’s on Wednesday nights on F/X and you can see back episodes on Hulu or on F/X.  The benefit of visiting the F/X site is that it’s filled with behind the scenes goodies, previews and other good stuff.  You can see the pilot either place and catch up with some of the episodes already aired – plenty to bring you up to date on the basic story lines.

Another option, once you’ve seen the pilot and determined that the show is, in fact, awesome, is to download individual episodes from Amazon.  You can fill in any gaps from what’s available on the free sites or just have all the episodes so you can watch them again and catch little details you might have missed the first time.  Now that’s a win/win.  Click below to find the Amazon downloads.  Enjoy!

See larger image American Horror Story Season 1 (Amazon Instant Video) New From: $18.99 In Stock Release date December 30, 2011.

And Eddie Murphy is……..OUT!

November 9, 2011

I can’t keep up with these people.

Honestly.  I was just coming around to the idea of Eddie Murphy as Oscar host.  Initially, I was firmly opposed to the choice.  But then I was seeing the previews for Tower Heist, thinking that it looked like the old Eddie might be back on

form.  A little less of the Daddy Day Care Eddie.  A little more of the Delirious Eddie.  I was starting to look forward to Oscar night, anticipating the possibility of some upheaval in the status quo.

Then Brett Ratner had to open his mouth.  Now really, I have nothing against the man or his work but how stupid do you have to be to throw around incendiary words and graphic tales of your sexual exploits while promoting your movie?  And how much more exponentially stupid do you have to be to do so 3 months before you’re scheduled to produce the Academy Awards telecast?  I’ll tell you – really freaking stupid.

So Ratner stuck both feet in his mouth, promptly apologized, withdrew as Oscar producer and Murphy followed.  Now they have no producer and no host.  Terrific!

Let’s see what they can put together on the fly to entertain the 50 billion (fine, that’s probably an exaggeration – I don’t know, I made it up) people who are going to watch and critique every moment of the show!  Awesome.

Actually, even though it’s too bad that we won’t see Eddie have a chance to show his stuff, it’s kind of exciting.  What ARE they going to do?  The Academy must be a giant ball of bundled undies right about now.  If there’s anything they have historically not liked, it’s unexpected complications.  They like control.  They like familiarity.  They like their comfort zone.   In searching for a way to draw more viewers to the broadcast they inadvertently set themselves up for the sort of last minute chaos that must make their  sphincters clench.

So maybe this isn’t such a bad thing – maybe we’ll see some real spontaneity at this years Oscar broadcast.  Wouldn’t that be a rare and wonderful thing?!?  Or terrible?  Who knows, but I’ll definitely be watching.

R-Rated Basic Cable

October 25, 2011

This ain’t yo mama’s TV!

Remember in the old days when you couldn’t say “bitch” on network TV?  Or the even older days when 2 married adults couldn’t be shown sharing a bed?!?  Well I’m glad to put those days far, far behind us and indulge in 2 basic cable network shows that would make your grandma blush and scare the pants off Great Uncle Ted.

American Horror Story

Created by Glee wunderkinds Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, this brand new series on F/X stars TV veterans Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton playing Ben and Vivien Harmon.  Along with their daughter (played by Taissa Farmiga, sister of Vera and looking so very much like her) they have moved into a new home in order to “start over”.  Only their new home isn’t new – it’s very old and filled with secrets and has every intention of inflicting all sorts of oddities upon its new owners.

McDermott does what he does best – plays the weak, unlikable “protagonist”.  Just as he did on The Practice, lo those many years ago.  He’s not so bad that we actively wish him ill, but he’s a weasel and we don’t much mind seeing the house have its way with him.  Farmiga has a similar role – nasty enough that the horrors the house is intent on delivering don’t feel like drowning kittens.  Britton is the only real upstanding citizen here – she’s our true heroine.

But the plum role in American Horror Story goes to Jessica Lange.  She’s the super creepy next door neighbor and plays the part with a relish that’s absolutely delicious.  The show is filled with sex and violence and is very, very scary.  I’ve never seen so many warnings about objectionable content at the beginning of a show.  It’s rated TV-MA with every qualifier that exists.  So far, I love it.

You can find it on Wednesday nights on F/X and can catch missed episodes on Hulu.

The Walking Dead

This is the second season for AMC’s zombie drama.  Created by veteran film director Frank Darabont (who I will love forever for writing and directing The Shawshank Redemption) The Walking Dead stars Andrew Lincoln, Jon Bernthal and Sarah Wayne Callies as survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse.  Yes, it sounds ludicrous – and it is – but the program is character driven enough to give weight to this preposterous plight.

Terrific special effects are the backbone of this one.  The zombies really are scary.  Very.  Referred to as “walkers” by the living, they seem to travel in packs and are seriously dangerous.  They aren’t lightning fast, but they aren’t really the lumbering hulks of old.  The motley pack of survivors that we follow is a fairly typical melange of Americana, with a redneck, a battered woman, one family unit, an eccentric old guy and quite a bit of drama within the group.  You’ll note that Laurie Holden – that would be Marita Covarrubias to all you X-Files fans still out there – has a great role as the survivor who isn’t sure survival is what she wants.

So far the balance between character development and zombie action has kept the series tight and well paced.  Though I’m not thrilled that Darabont has stepped back from the day to day operations of the show, he’s still on board as an executive producer and reports are that his replacement at the helm was hand picked.  It’s going to take a big change to chase me away from The Walking Dead.  This program has the current distinction of having the highest rated cable episode ever with it’s season 2 opener.  It’s filled with violence and gore – don’t eat while watching.  But do watch.  Definitely watch.

You’ll find The Walking Dead on AMC on Monday nights and you can catch up with last season via DVD.

I love you, basic cable

Admittedly, this type of adult-themed material will not suit every viewer.  But I’m glad to see the days of TV prudity disappearing (far more quickly on cable than on network, but that’s certainly not surprising).  There’s plenty of material for kids and families, it’s nice to have great shows just for the grown-ups, too.  So I’ll happily watch Glee and Modern Family and then, after the kids go to bed, I’ll break out some American Horror Story and Walking Dead.  Bring it on, basic cable!

2011 Emmy Award Postmortem

September 19, 2011

They’re Back!

I haven’t had that much fun watching an award show in years.  Honestly, I thought they were making themselves more and more irrelevant with each long, boring, staid broadcast with predictable winners and the same speech over and over.  Spending 4 hours for the 2 accidentally funny bits we usually get was getting exhausting.

But not this time!    Maybe we can thank Ricky Gervais, who shook things up at last years Golden Globes.  His edgy digs at the pampered stars played well with audiences – not so much with the stars.  So what would the Emmys bring?  Back to star coddling or on to something with a little more audience appeal?  Lucky for us it was the latter!

Jane Lynch was a genius choice for host – her Glee TV persona is rude and crazy so we’ve come to expect snark to fly out of her mouth at random.  She definitely used the Sue Sylvester style last night and it was consistently funny.   My personal favorite was her quip about being a loser and wishing she was home eating a tub of turkey meatballs after Julie Bowen scooped up the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress – Comedy.  I also loved her Gay Agenda.

I wasn’t expecting that Julie Bowen win.  I don’t do a lot of Emmy predicting because I watch so few of the shows – but I watch more of the comedies than dramas and I definitely watch Modern Family.  They really have no lead actors so the entire adult cast was nominated in the Supporting categories.  I fully expected either Lynch to take it for Glee (or Betty White – almost 90 years old! – for Hot in Cleveland) and if I had to predict which Modern Family actress had the best chance I would have said Sophia Vergara.  Her character is so much more flamboyant – the kind of character that wins awards.  But Bowen has, I think, the harder role.  She’s more “normal”, but she really isn’t.  She doesn’t have the over-the-top character traits that help sell her role, she has to be lovable and crazy but still sort of regular.  And she is – congrats on a win well earned, Julie!

Also among my faves of the night was the acceptance speech of Ty Burrell for Supporting Actor – Comedy.  He’s Bowen’s counterpart, Phil Dunphy, on Modern Family and he gave one of the funniest and most perfectly delivered acceptance speeches I’ve ever heard at an awards show.  If you can find it online somewhere, do it – it’s completely worth your time.

Other Emmy highlights (well, at least at my house):

• –My husband saying, as Julie Bowen got up to accept her Emmy, “She forgot to put on a shirt!  But that’s okay.”
• –Ricky Gervais and his “edited speech” – I definitely laughed.  There have been rumors that he might live blog the Golden Globes – I would tune in to that in a heartbeat.
• –Modern Family director Stu Levitan’s wife deadpanning a look at the camera as he disclosed that the “caught in the act” scene he won for happened to them.  Perfect timing!
• –The Best Actress in a Comedy nominees all jumping on stage as their names were announced, forming a pageant line.  Because it started with Amy Poehler, we didn’t know if it was completely planned or not.  You never know with Amy.  And it turned out really cute as Melissa McCarthy donned the tiara and roses.
• –The acceptance speech on behalf of the writers of The Daily Show – hilarious!  So badly written.  So earnestly delivered, so much wrestling of Jon Stewart in the background.
• –The Epic Musical Number.  Oh, these usually suck so intensely bad.  So bad that they had mostly been canned.  But not this year, this year it was resurrected with The Lonely Island doing a medley.  I had never heard of The Lonely Island because apparently I am Old and Out Of Touch.  But my teenagers filled me in (as we paused the show – I heart my DVR), I have seen their videos and so hopefully can appreciate the full epic-ness.  It does my heart good to know that Michael Bolton doesn’t take himself seriously (since neither does anyone else) and inappropriate lyrics make me happy.
• –I got several new shows to get from Netflix and/or start DVRing.  This is a consistent benefit of the Emmys for me, even if the broadcast sucks.  This year I’ll be adding The Killing, Justified and the upcoming Terranova (we caught a commercial) to my already loaded Netflix and DVR schedule.  We’ve already seen season 1 of The Walking Dead, we just didn’t realize it was on a channel we actually get.  Season 2?  DVR!
• –We got some surprise winners!  Well, at least in the first half.  I haven’t seen most of those dramas, mini-series or reality shows (no Hoarders win.  Peh) so I have no idea if they were a surprise, but comedy served up a few.  Bowen and Burrell, McCarthy – love it.  Even though I fully expected Jim Parsons to win Best Actor – Comedy it was still great fun to see the Big Bang Theory actor accept his award.

Okay, now for the things I didn’t like so much:

• –Charlie Sheen.  I’m sick of his face.  He was a non-event and I wish he had stayed home.
• –The opening number went on too long.  But that’s okay, because Lynch acknowledged it which made it funny.
• –I do not watch Mad Men. This of course is my own failing, but the second half of the show started to wear me out as show after show I had never seen paraded across the stage.  Apparently the Academy doesn’t like The Mentalist.

And that’s it.  Sure, there were slow spots and fashion fails (oh, Laura Linney, you’re so beautiful but who the hell dressed you?) but overall it was a fun-filled night that brought some sparkle into a genre that hasn’t had any in a long, long time.  Nicely played, Emmy.  Nicely played.

Eddie Murphy, Oscar Host? No.

September 9, 2011

Yes, I do need to question the Academy’s every decision…

So have you heard?  Eddie Murphy is hosting the Oscars this year.  It isn’t as much of a head scratcher as last year’s choices, but I don’t think it’s a good one either.

I like Eddie Murphy.  When I was in college, an audio tape of Delirious circulated through my dorm for months and it was absolutely hilarious.  To this day I still bust out with an occasional “Now that’s a fire!”.

But that was in the olden days.  By my reckoning, Eddie Murphy hasn’t been really funny since the 80s.  So why drag him out as Oscar host now?  I think I know – it’s because he’s gone mainstream but they’re hoping that some of his old edgy reputation will draw viewers to the often-staid broadcast.  They want the appearance of hip irreverence without the bothersome presence of actual irreverence.

Last year’s experiment with “Youth” didn’t go so well.  Anne Hathaway did okay, but grated on some traditional viewers with her frequent “Woo-hoo”-ing.  James Franco, though he was a good sport, was just too laid back.  The pair never coalesced at all.  The year before, the Academy doubled up with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin.  I thought they were fine.  Sometimes funny, sometimes not and a good fit for those looking for the traditional.

The standout in recent years, for me, has been Jon Stewart.  He knows exactly how to respond fast and funny to the unpredictable moments the show inevitably serves up and draws in the younger crowd the Academy seems desperate to please.  He’s also smart, funny and very comfortable on camera – we see that every day on The Daily Show.  But…maybe he doesn’t want to do it anymore.  Or maybe he’s too political, or too sarcastic, or too dang hip.  Whatever the case, I dearly wish he would come back.

But it isn’t happening this year.  This year we get Eddie Murphy.  Not the Murphy of Delirious or Raw, the Disneyfied, middle aged, not very funny anymore Murphy.  The Daddy Day Care Eddie Murphy.  I do love the Oscars and tend to enjoy them regardless of who hosts.  And I hope Eddie Murphy goes out there in February and kills it.  You never know – the same talent that produced Delirious is still in there.  But my gut feeling is that he will be another in a long line of awkward, uncomfortable hosts, reigned in hard by producers who claim to want to shake up the broadcast but cave to the strident voices of old-school viewers every time that comes even close to happening.

It’s too bad – I would love to here his old raucous laugh and biting humor.  But it isn’t going to happen.  They’ll squelch him.  Congratulations, Academy, on setting the stage for another record low number of Oscar viewers.  You couldn’t do more to make the broadcast irrelevant if you tried.

Eddie, if you love us, tear it up out there in February.  We all know you can do it.  It’s time to really Shake Things Up!   Check out Delirious – you’ll see.  Anything’s possible…

See larger image Eddie Murphy - Delirious (DVD) Director: Bruce Gowers Starring: Eddie Murphy, James Argiro, Gus Loundermon, Brian O'Neal, Kevin O'Neal Rating: NR (Not Rated) List Price: $14.98 USD New From: $3.68 In Stock Used from: $2.05 In Stock Release date February 6, 2007.

Auction Hunters – My New Insanity

August 25, 2011

Yes I do need more reality TV, thank you!

It’s no secret that I’m completely addicted to Hoarders.  And Hoarding: Buried Alive.  And What Not to Wear.  My last shred of pride is that I refuse to watch anything featuring a Kardashian.  It’s a small shred.

While letting my teenager control the remote, I discovered a new potential cable reality addiction – Auction Hunters.  It actually makes sense – it’s sort of a logical extension of hoarding shows.  These two guys – Allen Haff and Ton (that’s right – “Ton”, got a problem with that?) Jones – bid on the contents of abandoned storage units in hopes of scoring antiques, collectibles and anything worth money.  Their goal is to sell the contents for at least twice what they paid for each unit.

They’re an interesting pair.  They love to play with the toys the find in the units they buy – guns, antique music machines, sporting equipment, you name it.  And they seem to know all the right experts for getting their treasures appraised as well as finding a buyer.

My first thought is that most of these units were going to be filled with hoards – trash and used diapers and old food.  But it turns out that the entire world of storage units is not filled with hoarders!  Also, the shows are clearly edited to show the best and most interesting finds.  But watching them pull an original antique Thomas Edison phonograph from inside an old armoire is really pretty cool.

Sometimes I’m surprised because I think their finds should be worth more than they get – but they know their market.  An appraisal value is very different from a selling price.  They like to turn things around quickly and sell to dealers, not collectors – so they know the items need to get marked up again.

It’s amazing what people abandon.  I definitely wonder what happened to the folks who collected all this valuable stuff – did they fall on hard times and become unable to make the storage payments?  Did they forget about the stuff?  Are they just really high end hoarders?

Auction Hunters is a half hour show that you should definitely watch via DVR if you have the option.  They love their commercials.  It plays on Spike TV, seemingly all the time.  I’m not entirely sure what it’s real time slot is.  If you watch one of their marathons the show will get old pretty fast, but a few episodes at a time is pretty fun.  If you like Hoarders, check it out – it’s another perspective on other people’s stuff.  You can also get it per episode on Amazon.  Sweet!

See larger image Auction Hunters Season 2 (Amazon Instant Video) New From: $15.92 In Stock Release date December 30, 2011.

The Tape Hoarder and the Hoarder Baby Mama

August 3, 2011

This week on Hoarders…

I don’t feel the need to comment on every episode of Hoarders.  As anyone who watches the show knows, a lot of the episodes follow a very familiar path.  They’re all interesting in some way, but some have a twist that makes them quite different and the outcomes more volatile and sometimes more hopeful.

Beverly the Tape Hoarder

Beverly is an older woman who loves to record television programs.   That obviously isn’t unusual – most of us do it in some way.  I love my DVR as if it were one of my children.  The difference for Beverly is that the joy is not in watching those programs, but in the taping and collecting of those tapes.  I was really glad to see Dr. Suzanne Chabaud come in as the therapist for this segment, since she specializes not only in hoarding but also in OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) and it looked to me like Beverly had a whole lot of OCD going on which led directly to her vast hoard of VHS tapes and other recordings.

What made this segment interesting is twofold: first the nature of the problem and second the very incredibly strained relationship between Beverly’s 2 daughters.  Most hoarder families show a significant level of dysfunction, but these women took it to a new level.

But first the problem itself.  The hoard was not just stacks of tapes, it was also the filth that happens when someone obsessively pursues only one activity.  Lots of trash had accumulated while Beverly was busy with her recordings.  Extreme Trash Man Matt Paxton was a good choice for this segment for getting in there and clearing that mess – he knows his filth clean-up.  He didn’t run into a lot of resistance until the topic of getting rid of some of the tapes was raised.

It was at that point where Beverly tensed up and the daughter ratcheted up their bickering to epic levels.  This poor woman had so much filth and clutter in her home that it was horribly unsafe and on top of it she had to deal with 2 grown women who were essentially fighting over who Mom loves better.  In the meantime one was actively enabling the hoard and the other was acting like a petulant, put-upon child who was really looking for her mother to give her something she felt was lacking in their relationship while placing almost unbearable stress on an elderly woman with a serious mental illness.  Uncool, ladies, very, very uncool.  Family conflict is always more complicated than can be shown on a TV program but these women (the enabler in particular) needed to grow up, right that minute, and focus on why they were there and not on their decades old squabbles.

What a mess.  Fortunately for everyone Dr. Chabaud is very good at what she does.  She enlisted the help of the grandchildren and Beverly realized that she did have true allies in tackling her issues.  Ones who cared only about her during this crisis and were patient and willing to listen and suggest solutions to the problem.  Bless those kids who were able to rise above the family history and the behavior of their parents and truly help their grandmother.

This is a woman who needs a whole lot of therapy for a whole lot of issues.  She isn’t going to stop recording – it beings her pleasure and really, why should she?  It makes her happy and if she can learn to take control over it she can have her cake and eat it too.  I don’t know if she will fill her house back up or not, but at the very least she gained a new relationship with her grandchildren and that has to be worth something.

The Hoarding Baby Mama 

There’s a reason that most of the participants on Hoarders are elderly.  It takes time to build up a hoard to the point where it puts a person or a family in true crisis.  Unfortunately that means many years have usually passed before there’s any professional intervention and the prognosis ends up being pretty bleak.

But this week we met Megan, a young mom in her 20s with an already significant hoarding issue.  With 3 kids, including a newborn infant, the mother of her partner finally stepped in and refused to allow them to go back to the house after the baby was born.  The family was living in a hotel until the house could be cleaned up.

Megan had sort of a typical hoarder’s story.  A traumatic childhood with a lot of early loss and pain made her want to hold on to the things that reminded her of deceased loved ones.  This snowballed into collecting more and more things while having fewer and fewer resources to care for her home.  Kids, stuff and what I suspect was quite a lot of long-term depression had led to, well, squalor.  Mice everywhere, poop everywhere, filth and dirt everywhere -  just a completely unsanitary and unsafe place to raise kids.

The truth is that the mouse poop may have saved Megan and her family.  If it had just been “the stuff” her hoard would have been pretty minor (in the Hoarders scheme of things) and might have been overlooked for many more years.  But the filth and the deteriorating condition of the home led to a really early intervention by Mark Pfeffer (one of my faves).  As soft-spoken as always, Pfeffer explained why getting to this problem while Megan was so young made him feel quite optimistic that she could change her thought processes and behaviors.

Megan had a distinct lack of the sort of eruptive defenses we see so often when hoarders are asked to let things go.  She was more sad than angry and had yet to build such strong walls around her disorder.  When shown the real amount of clothing she had accumulated she was properly amazed and acknowledged the excess.  When her home was clean she was tearfully grateful and happy for herself and her children.  She accepted aftercare without hesitation.

It’s nice to see an episode where everyone involved really feels optimistic that the problem can me tackled successfully.  I hope the show features Megan on a future “where are they now” episode so we can see how she’s doing.  I hope we someday get to see her with a smile on her face after she gets help dealing with such a sad past.

So that’s it for this week on Hoarders (you can read more about Hoarders in general and other episodes at Everything Hoarders).  Who knows what we’re in for next week!  All I know is that I have a copy of Matt Paxton’s new book, The Secret Lives of Hoarders, sitting on my nightstand and I can’t wait to dig in.  He deals with the weirdest hoards and is always candid on the show, I can’t imagine what he’s seen in his years of doing this job outside of Hoarders.  But I’m going to find out!  And you can, too – just click through the link below and pick up a copy for yourself!

See larger image The Secret Lives of Hoarders: True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter (Paperback) By (author) Matt Paxton, Phaedra Hise List Price: $14.95 USD New From: $4.50 In Stock Used from: $2.74 In Stock Release date May 3, 2011.

Hoarders Scam!

July 23, 2011

I spy a Hoarders Freeloader

As you all know, I love me some Hoarders.  I watch it religiously and come here to comment on the episodes that are really foul or interesting in some other way.  Well, this week I think I saw a series first.

I think Hoarders got scammed.

This week had one relatively routine (though seriously nasty and in need of major therapy) hoarder and one eccentric gentleman who at first reminded me a little bit of season 3′s Sir Patrick – lonely and surrounded by mountains of things he loves.  Randy is a collector of arcade games – a hobby he has pursued since childhood.  His 20,000 sq. ft. (!) warehouse is packed full and he would love to open an arcade or museum to make some cash and show off his collection.  Unfortunately his warehouse is not in an area zoned for such an establishment.  Randy needs help sorting through his treasures and bringing some to a new space that he can open for the world to see.  Or at least that’s how it’s all presented at the beginning.

My first impressions likening Randy to the super-lovable Sir Patrick were horribly wrong.  Randy is no Sir Patrick and his warehouse filled with arcade games is no Camelot.  Let’s look at the evidence and see if you agree with me that Randy is really looking for free moving service.

Clue #1.  Randy acts like a jerk.  Fine, that in and of itself is nothing we haven’t seen plenty of in the past.  But his sad delusion that he’s somehow the King Of The World rings strangely false.  He sure does try hard to convince us that he isn’t stable, but when push comes to shove he seems mostly just egocentric.

Clue #2.  Nobody appears on Randy’s segment but Randy.  No family or friends who are concerned for his well-being or mental state.  Nobody who wants him to get help.  Nobody.  So who called the show?  Methinks it was Randy.

Clue #3.  We never see Randy’s living area.  This is all about his warehouse and his arcade games.  We never have any idea if he lives in clutter, if he hoards anything else, if his “affliction” carries past those walls.  Not one glimpse.  I smell a rat.  Or rather, I don’t smell any vermin at all – and that’s suspicious.

Clue #4.  Randy never admits to being a hoarder or having a problem (other than not having as much money as he would like).  That isn’t unusual, but the lack of any other evidence to the contrary certainly is.  Instead of addressing the basis of the program he’s on he cavorts around acting like a fool (doing things like pretending to eat his collection of his own hair).  But that’s a distraction.  He isn’t going to admit he’s a hoarder – I don’t think he’ll admit a falsehood that he thinks makes him look bad.  The irony being, of course, that his prattle makes him look far worse than any hoarder.

Clue #5.  Randy never agrees to get rid if a single thing.  Not one.  The sad part here is that at this point I think the show knows they’re being had – Dr. Suzanne Chabaud doesn’t even push him or insist on looking past the machines into the rest of the cluttered space.  He’s got his free ride and the show is now forced to try and make the best of the situation.

Clue #6.  And this is where Matt Paxton comes in.  Matt is not always the most patient guy in the world, but I’ve never seen him get into this kind of pissing contest with a participant on the show.  Randy is all over Matt’s extreme cleaning crew, calling them incompetent because they don’t want to risk moving a huge, heavy machine.  When they go to lunch he moves it himself.  When’s the last time we saw a hoarder remove an item themselves if the crew hesitated?  Answer: never.  Because that’s not what hoarders do – they hang on, they don’t have to prove themselves superior to the experts by taking risks with their own belongings.  Matt has a tantrum about the way he’s being treated, which is very strange.  I think he knows exactly what’s up and is rightfully resentful of having to put his crew at risk because this guy wants someone else to move his crap. Both Dr. Chabaud and Paxton are in the end gracious and professional, but in Paxton we can plainly see frustration.

Clue #7.  Randy gets his machines moved and gets rid of nothing.  The warehouse has fewer things in it but has not been cleaned or organized.  Randy decides what gets moved and has no trouble choosing.  There’s not one hint of anxiety in this process for Randy.  Only arrogance – not the cover of arrogance over a core of upset and turmoil – just pure, unprocessed arrogance.   Hoarders have trouble making decisions – that’s an absolutely consistent attribute on the show.  Randy has no trouble, in fact he seems to relish his role of ordering the crew to do his bidding.

Clue #8.  Randy refuses any and all aftercare funds and services.  He gets what he wants and then he’s done with the show.  If he was really so smart he would have taken the organizer services and gotten even more from the show by having them clean up his warehouse, but he doesn’t think that far ahead.  He’s only concerned with getting his new business set up and publicized for free, then he wants to be done with these pesky inferiors.

I feel for the makers of Hoarders.  They got used by this guy and by the time they figured it out it was too late and they had to make the best of it.  Matt Paxton repeatedly insists that this guy has a disease, he just doesn’t specify what disease.  I don’t even want to hazard a guess.

I’ve never seen this happen to Hoarders before, but I think they got taken by Randy.  It doesn’t make me like the show any less, it just makes me sad for the one less person they can now really help.  He didn’t deserve the help of the people who make this show – we’ve seen so many desperately ill people benefit from the therapy and organization Hoarders offers that watching this guy take advantage is kind of sickening.  What kind of person takes services away from the mentally ill?

You can see full episodes of Hoarders at the A&E website.  As of this writing, the full Randy episode was available – catch it while you can and see if you agree.  Did Randy abuse services he knew he didn’t need?  My verdict – yes indeed.

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