New on Netflix – July 27th and August 3rd
July 26, 2010
Everything new for you to view!
Well, here we are – summer at its peak, days hot and sticky and a bunch of new movies out on DVD and at Netflix! Let’s see what the next 2 weeks have in store.
July 27th
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (family action, Logan Lerman, Uma Thurman, Pierce Brosnan) – Netflix DVD and Blu-Ray release (delayed from purchase release of June 29th)
Hot Tub Time Machine (comedy, John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry) – Netflix DVD and Blu-Ray release (delayed from purchase release of June 29th)
Crush (thriller, Christopher Egan, Emma Lung) – Netflix DVD release (delayed from purchase release of July 13th)
Operation: Endgame (action, Joe Anderson, Zach Galifianakis, Rob Corddry, Emilie de Ravin) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
The Art of the Steal (documentary, Albert Barnes) Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
Vincere (foreign, drama, thriller, Giovanna Mezzogiorno, Filippo Timi) - Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
Acceptance (comedy, Mae Whitman, Joan Cusack) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD
Clash of the Titans (action, Sam Worthington, Alexa Davalos, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release
Repo Men (sci-fi, Jude Law, Forest Whitaker, Liev Schreiber, Alice Braga) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release
Batman: Under the Red Hood (animated, action, Jason Isaacs, Jensen Ackles, Bruce Greenwood, Neil Patrick Harris) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release
August 3rd
Kick-Ass (action, Aaron Johnson, Chloe Moretz, Nicolas Cage, Christopher Mintz-Plasse) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-ray
A Prophet (foreign thriller, Tahar Rahim, Niels Arestrup) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-ray
The Ghost Writer (thriller, Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan, Kim Cattrall) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
After.Life (thriller, Liam Neeson, Christina Ricci, Justin Long) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Happiness Runs (indie drama, Adam Sherman, Hanna R. Hall) Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
Open House (horror, Anna Paquin, Rachel Blanchard, Stephen Moyer) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Diary of a Wimpy Kid (family, Zachary Gordon, Robert Capron, Rachael Harris, Steve Zahn) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release
Well, that’s a pretty good load of new movies. A couple of big release delays for Netflix subscribers, but hey – you can finally rent Hot Tub Time Machine! Ahhhh, summer.
3 Movies to Watch This Week
July 25, 2010
A few tidbits for your viewing pleasure
So, are you sick of summer blockbusters? Seen ‘em all? Hate summer blockbusters? Maybe it’s time to try something that just may have passed under your radar its first time around. There’s a world of fun, light movies out there, perfect for summer nights, in which few if any items actually blow up.
Most of the film world is made up of small movies with small budgets that few people ever see. They’re the building bricks upon which blockbusters are born – every actor and director starts out somewhere. Here are three of those to try out as we approach the dog days of summer.
Waitress (2007)
Keri Russell of Felicity fame stars as Jenna, a young woman stuck in a loveless marriage and an unwanted pregnancy. She gets through the day by dreaming of bigger things while practicing her art – the art of making the perfect pie. She works at a pie diner and much of the movie is framed by her marvelous creations, often with very un-dessert like names reflecting her inner conflicts.
What makes Waitress special is the performance of the entire cast as well as the unconventional fairy-tale type structure of the narrative. Terrific turns by Nathan Fillion, Cheryl Hines, Adrienne Shelley and Andy Griffith (yep, one and the same) pull together the strings of the sweet, funny and poignant film. Tragically, director Adrienne Shelley will not be making more movies, as she was murdered before she could see the beauty she created in Waitress. All the more reason to eat up this one.
Once (2006)
Hate musicals? Me too. But I love Once. This little film from director John Carney garnered an Oscar for Best Original Song and makes all the Disney pabulum of the past years look like schmaltz in comparison.
The story is very simple – two people meet by chance and connect through music. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova play the street musician with higher aspirations and the truly gifted pianist struggling as a single parent in a new country.
What makes Once special is the fantastic music by Hansard and Irglova, the lack of pretense of the entire production and the genuineness of all involved, looking to make a movie with little money and great dreams and succeeding wildly.
Happy, Texas (1999)
Okay, now one that is just plain silly. Steve Zahn (who I love) and Jeremy Northam are escaped convicts that just happen to wind up being mistaken for a gay couple coming to a small Texas town to coordinate a little girls beauty pageant. I know, it’s a ridiculously stupid premise. But it’s handled with just the right touch. It doesn’t pretend to be realistic, it just has a good time with its own farcical antics.
What makes Happy, Texas special are fine performances by Zahn as he gets into his role as pageant director and William H. Macy as the town sheriff. Formulaic and predictable, it’s also silly and fun and light – never taking itself too seriously.
Each of these small movies is easily available for rent and could be just the right thing for a summer evening when you aren’t in the mood for 3-D or big screens. Or, for that matter, spending uber-bucks at the theater. I highly suggest consuming these treats with a nice slice of Jenna’s Kick in the Pants Pie.
New on Netflix – July 13th and July 20th
July 12, 2010
It’s hot outside, and there are mosquitoes. Lots and lots of mosquitoes. So what are we to do in the evening? Watch movies, of course! Let’s see what’s new on Netflix and the wider DVD world for the next two weeks.
July 13th
Saint John of Las Vegas (indie comedy, Steve Buscemi, Romany Malco) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD
The Greatest (indie drama, Susan Sarandon, Pierce Brosnan, Carey Mulligan, Michael Shannon, Aaron Johnson) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD, Blu-Ray and Netflix Instant Streaming
8: The Mormon Proposition (documentary) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD
The Bounty Hunter (action comedy, Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Chloe (thriller, Liam Neeson, Julianne Moore, Amanda Seyfried) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Terribly Happy (foreign thriller, Jakob Cedergren) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
The Book of Eli (action, Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis) – delayed Netflix release, DVD and Blu-Ray (original purchase release date June 15, 2010)
Airline Disaster (action, Meredith Baxter, Lindsey McKeon) delayed Netflix release, DVD (original purchase release June 29, 2010)
Formosa Betrayed (thriller, James Van Der Beek, John Heard, Leslie Hope) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD
How to Make Love to a Woman (romantic comedy, Krysten Ritter, Josh Myers, Ian Somerhalder) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD, Blu-ray and Netflix Instant Streaming
Crush (paranormal thriller, Christopher Egan, Emma Lung) – purchase release, DVD, delayed Netflix release
Caught in the Crossfire (thriller, 50 cent, Chris Klein, Adam Rodriguez) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release, probably mid-August
Greenberg (comedy, Ben Stiller, Rhys Ifans) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release (scheduled for August 10th)
July 20th
Mother (foreign thriller, Bin Won, Hye-ja Kim) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
A Town Called Panic (animated foreign family) purchase and Netflix release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
Green Zone (action, Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear) – delayed Netflix release, DVD and Blu-Ray (original purchase release June 22nd)
The Runaways (drama, Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Ninja’s Creed (action, Alexander Wraith, Pat Morita, Eric Roberts) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD
The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers (documentary) – purchase and Netflix release, DVD, Blu-Ray and Netflix Instant Streaming
Cop Out (action comedy, Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release
Our Family Wedding (romantic comedy, Forest Whitaker, Carlos Mencia, America Ferrara) – purchase release, DVD - delayed Netflix release, look for it mid-August
The Losers (action, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldana, Chris Evans) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release
Just Another Day (drama, Wood Hector, Jamie Hector, Ja Rule) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, delayed Netflix release
Not a bad selection for the middle of the summer. This week we should definitely have ice cream. Who’s buying?
New on Netflix – June 29th and July 6th
June 28, 2010
Got Netflix?
Well, even though the studios are squeezing Netflix by forcing DVD release delays on them, we still want to know what’s new, now don’t we? Of course we do. More now than ever since some films will release for purchase and rental on the same day and others will be held hostage for a month. So here we go!
June 29th
The Crazies (horror, Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
The White Ribbon (German drama, Ulrich Tukur, Susanne Lothar) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
The Eclipse (thriller, Ciaran Hinds, Iben Hjejle) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-ray
Creation (biography, Paul Bettany, Jennifer Connelly) Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
The Wolfman (horror, Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins) Netflix release, DVD and Blu-Ray – delayed 28 days from June 1st purchase release
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (children and family, Logan Lerman, Uma Thurman, Pierce Brosnan) - purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray, Netlix delay probably until the end of July
Hot Tub Time Machine (comedy, John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry) – purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray – Netflix delay – look for it at the end of July
The Pagan Queen (sci-fi/fantasy, Winter Ave Zoli, Csaba Lucas) – Purchase release, DVD – Netflix release delayed
Airline Disaster (action/adventure, Meredith Baxter, Lindsay McKeon) – purchase release, DVD, delayed Netflix release – this one looks like a Direct to Video release. Maybe it will never come out on Netflix. Maybe we don’t want it to…
July 6th
Brooklyn’s Finest (drama, Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, Ethan Hawke, Wesley Snipes, Antoine Fuqua director) – Netflix and Purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (foreign thriller, Michaeil Nyqvist, Noomi Rapace, Sven-Bertil Taube, Ewa Frohling, based on novel by Stieg Larsson) - Netflix and purchase release, DVD, Blu-Ray and Netflix Instant Streaming
A Single Man (drama, Colin Firth, Julianne Moore) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 7 (TV comedy, Larry David, Cheryl Hines) - Netflix release, DVD, delayed from June 8th purchase release
That’s a big up-tick in delayed releases. Now that we all know now that it results in no increased DVD sales, no financial gain for the studios and a highly probable increase in piracy, it just makes the studios look stupid and stubborn. Remember, Warner Bros., Fox and Universal – piss me off, lose my money down the road. For once have a little foresight and admit that your actions make no sense, achieve nothing other than ticking off DVD renters and ultimately increase criminal piracy and maybe I’ll consider spending my money on your theatrical releases. I’m petty and vindictive, Hollywood, don’t try my patience.
On the other hand – so cool that Girl With the Dragon Tattoo will get Instant Streaming right away! Petty, vindictive and fickle. That’s me!
This week let’s have Raisinettes, shall we?
Questions Remain About Vince Flynn Movie – “Consent to Kill”
June 24, 2010
Fans wondering who will play Mitch Rapp
Fans of Vince Flynn’s Mitch Rapp novels will finally get to see their hero on the big screen, but who will they see? Casting remains one of the biggest questions for fans of the author and his series of counter-terrorism novels.
Early on, there was only a studio – CBS Films optioned the movie rights to Consent to Kill in 2008. Then came a screenplay by Jonathan Lemkin. Early this year it was announced that Antoine Fuqua would direct.
Right there we have at least one iffy decision. Jonathan Lemkin’s resume is neither long nor impressive – and there was a 7 year break between his last two projects. However, he did pen Shooter, which Fuqua also directed, so maybe his presence had some pull in getting the director behind Training Day involved in the project. But neither director nor screenwriter give me great confidence – both have minimal credits and even more minimal quality credits.
Also at issue is why CBS and Flynn decided to start with book 7 in a series when making the first Mitch Rapp film. Will it necessitate too much monkeying around with both the arc of this story and the establishment of the Mitch Rapp character? Another reason to question the decision to bring in a screenwriter without a more impressive and extensive resume.
But the biggest question of all remains unanswered – who will play lead character Mitch Rapp? It looks like Fuqua and producers Lorenzo Di Bonaventura and Nick Wechsler have narrowed the field to three:
Gerard Butler, who seems to be a fan favorite and perhaps the frontrunner.
Colin Farrell, whose broody good looks and (let’s face it) better acting chops may give him an edge. If he can behave himself.
Matthew Fox, whose only saving grace seems to be that he really, really wants the role.
Fan sites are looking to be all over Butler, but who knows? There’s been little news on the project since Fuqua signed on. Even with a script and a director, this thing is going nowhere fast. Get casting already, CBS – Vince Flynn and Mitch Rapp fans are tired of waiting!!
Consent to Kill has a scheduled release date of 2012, which seems like a long time away. But if they don’t get moving on casting they aren’t going to make even that generous deadline. Fans are clamoring, time’s a’wastin’, let’s see some action on this Vince Flynn movie!
More Studios Delaying Netflix Releases = More Stupid Studios
June 19, 2010
Studios and Netflix look pretty dumb in light of Paramount study
Earlier this week I wondered about the Netflix release delay of Green Zone. It isn’t a Warner Bros. release, so it shouldn’t be subject to their agreed upon 28 day delay, right? Wrong. It looks like Universal (the studio releasing Green Zone) and Fox have also sealed deals with Netflix to delay their DVD releases for rent.
In light of famine, global warming and gushing oil spills this hardly measures as tragic. It is, however, annoying, particularly for those of us who rent rather than buy our DVDs. The logic, apparently, is that if the studios make renters wait an extra month they are more likely to buy the DVD.
Bullshit.
Renters and buyers are different breeds.
If I really want to see something, I’ll see it in the theater. If I am waiting for it on DVD it’s because I don’t want to pay full theater price for it. I’m sure as hell not going to shell out full DVD price for a movie that might suck and that I will almost certainly watch only one time. DVD buyers are going to buy no matter what – they collect DVDs, are repeat watchers, or whatever. They aren’t me and I’m not them - nothing the studios do is going to change that.
And now we have proof that I am right.
The Los Angeles Times is reporting a 10 month Paramount study of the the impact on DVD sales when rentals were delayed. The result? Withholding rentals does not increase sales. No freaking duh, people. For a bunch of people who supposedly live and breathe movies, Warner Bros., Universal and Fox sure as hell don’t know much about the people who watch their products.
I shouldn’t be surprised, really. It’s a leap before you look world. Why bother checking to make sure your theories are sound before acting on them? That just delays the money factory! Too bad, big boys, your money well is not going to be helped by withholding rentals. As a matter of fact, your bottom line might suffer more than just a little bit and in ways you didn’t see coming.
You see, also inferred in the Paramount study is that those who want to see a DVD on release day without buying it are going to find a way. In other words, withholding rentals is just going to increase piracy. The studio then loses both a rental and their mythical sale. Add in anyone else who watches the pirated movie and there goes more rental money.
Then add in me. I don’t steal movies. But the studios refused to do their homework and thought they could trick or strong-arm me into buying products I have no desire to own. Thus I will be punitive and vindictive. That’s just how I roll, people. Though I don’t see a whole lot of movies in the theater, that number has begun to increase as my kids get older. I also like to see things in the nice, expensive theater. But I’m choosy about the films upon which I lavish my big screen dollars. Unless Warner Bros., Universal and Fox decide to release their stranglehold on Netflix, I may just stop seeing their films in the theater. Wouldn’t that just be too bad for them.
Studios need to remember that regardless of what their focus groups and polls and other yes-men tell them, it’s the people who have the money that keep them afloat. Does my teenage boy spend money going to movies? Yes. Where does he get it? From me. Keep me happy or lose my business, folks. And his. That’s the way capitalism works. If you screw up, you better come crawling back and do some ass kissing if you want me to give you the money that I work long and hard to earn. In other words, stop pissing me off or my wallet closes.
For now, I’m giving Netflix a provisional pass on my wrath, for I imagine they were forced into these deals with threats of complete withdrawal of access to the titles held by the studios involved. But I’d surely like to see some lobbying by them to regain first day renting rights now that it has been proven that withholding does no one any good and only harms Netflix and helps those who steal movies. If they won’t stand up for themselves, I’m sure as hell not going to. They might be stuck with the deals already on the books, but any more like them signals a company that doesn’t have a spine or a brain.
New on Netflix – June 15th and June 22nd
June 14, 2010
Wanna watch a movie? We can have popcorn!
So what do we have coming out on DVD and to Netflix in the next two weeks? Let’s have a look!
June 15th
Valentines Day (romantic comedy, Julia Roberts, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Garner, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey) – Netflix release (delayed release – was released for purchase in May)
Hoarders – Season 1 (reality TV, A&E) – Netflix and purchase release , DVD
When in Rome (romantic comedy, Kristin Bell, Joah Duhamel) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Youth In Revolt (comedy, Michael Cera, Portia Doubleday) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Control Alt Delete (indie comedy, Tyler Labine, Sonja Bennett) Netflix Instant Streaming and purchase release, DVD and Blu-ray
The Book of Eli (westerns, thrillers, Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman) – Release for purchase – delayed Netflix release, not date announced. Since it’s a Warner Bros. film, expect to see it on or around August 5th.
June 22nd
True Blood – Season 2 (TV, science fiction, fantasy, Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Remember Me (romance, drama, Robert Pattinson, Emilie de Ravin, Pierce Brosnan, Lena Olin, Chris Cooper) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
The Last Station (biography, historical drama, Christopher Plummer, Helen Mirren) – Netflix and purcahse release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Bluebeard (foreign drama, director Catherine Breillat, Dominique Thomas, Lola Creton) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
TiMER (indie comedy, Emma Caulfield, John Patrick Amedori) – Netflix Instant Streaming and purchase release, DVD
Green Zone (military action, Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson, Amy Ryan) Purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray. Netflix release delayed, reasons unknown.
That last one is a puzzler. It isn’t a Warner Bros. release (it’s Universal) thus I have no idea why the Netflix release is delayed or for how long. I’ll keep an eye on it for you, though. They don’t give this job to chimps, after all.
Will you make the popcorn?
Friday Night Movies – The Road
June 5, 2010
The Apocalypse appears to really suck
Let’s pretend that you just went out to one of your favorite restaurants, ate too much and loved every bite, then came home to top off your evening with a movie. Let’s pretend you weren’t smart enough to pick something light and fluffy. Perhaps you were foolish enough to choose the movie adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. If you did that you would be dumb like me!
Don’t get me wrong. I am often greatly entertained by the morbid, the depressing, the dark and grim. Yeah, that didn’t come out quite right, but you know what I mean. I like heavy drama. But not this heavy.
The basic story is simple – father and son heading south to the coast after un-named apocalyptic events leave society in tatters. Viggo Mortensen stars as the grizzled father trying to protect his son played by Kodi Smit-McPhee. In flashback we see mother Charlize Theron and her solution to their dire predicament. Along the way Robert Duvall and Guy Pearce (both unrecognizable) make appearances.
Good God this is the most depressing movie I think I’ve ever seen. The combined effect of the looming spectres of cannibalism and suicide, the nearly dead landscape and the lead-heavy tone of the film make it excruciating. Director John Hillcoat more assuredly wins “Biggest Buzz Kill of the Year”.
The single biggest problem is that there is not one bit of emotional relief. I’m not talking about comic relief, but anything to lighten the mood for even a single moment. There was potential late in the film with a scene involving a beetle – it could have been sort of wondrous and filled with meaning – but it was wasted by another episode of insanity, despair and desperation.
To top it off, the ending doesn’t fit. It feels like a focus group ending rather than one true to the vision of the filmmakers. Not that I was enjoying that vision, but I’m just sayin’ – this feels tacked on.
I have no idea how the film compares to the book. If it’s loyal to the source material in both substance and tone I can assure you I’ll never read it. No Country for Old Men, another McCarthy adaptation, makes me think that there is room within the framework of the written source for some kind of lightness to cut the depression.
The Road looks good – the desolate cinematography is really beautiful in its own way, and Viggo does pretty well with his role, but the whole thing ends up being suffocatingly heavy and depressing. I may need to watch Old School just to balance myself out.
New on Netflix – June 1st and Jun 8th
May 31, 2010
Your bi-weekly DVD release list. I’m there for you, dude.
Here we go – round 2 of New on Netflix. Let’s see what’s coming out in the next couple of weeks, shall we?
June 1st
Alice in Wonderland (fantasy, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Mia Wasakowska, directed by Tim Burton) - Netflix and purchase release – DVD and Blu-Ray
Burn Notice – Season 3 (TV, Jeffrey Donovan, Gabrielle Anwar) – Netflix and purchase release – DVD and Blu-Ray
The Red Baron (military drama, Matthias Schweighöfer, Joseph Fiennes, Lena Headey) – Netflix and purchase release – DVD, Blu-Ray and Netflix Instant Streaming
The Stranger (action, Steve Austin, Adam Beach) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
For My Father (foreign language drama, Shredi Jabarin, Hili Yalon) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
Small Town Saturday Night (drama, Chris Pine, Shawn Christian) - Netflix and purchase release, DVD
June 8th
Shutter Island (thriller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, directed by Martin Scorsese) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
From Paris with Love (action, John Travolta, Jonathan Rhys-Myers) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Blu-Ray
Toe to Toe (drama, Louisa Krause, Sonequa Martin) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD and Netflix Instant Streaming
Coach (romance, Hugh Dancy, Liane Balaban) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD
Starstruck (made for TV family, Danielle Campbell, Sterling Knight) – Netflix and purchase release, DVD
Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 7 (TV comedy, Larry David, Cheryl Hines) – Purchase release, DVD – Netflix release delayed until July, 2010
Surely there’s something in there you want to see! Or maybe not – it’s a bit of a slow season for DVD releases. Shutter Island is certainly worth a watch and people seemed to love Alice in Wonderland (even if I was creeped out by just the trailers). I’m noticing a little uptick in the number of new releases available for Netflix Instant Streaming. Not a lot, but hopefully signs of good things to come.
Weirdly enough, I feel like watching a movie now…
The A-Team and Marmaduke? Really?
May 29, 2010
Just when you think we can’t sink any lower…
So we now have reality TV ruling the airwaves, sequels ruling the big screen and 15-year-olds ruling pop music. Just when it looks like things are going to complete and utter hell, they get worse. I have just watched the trailer for Marmaduke, the movie. The fourth horseman of the entertainment apocalypse has arrived.
Marmaduke, for those of you who did not grow up on comic strips in the daily paper, is a giant dog that is supposed to be funny. He isn’t. He never was. He’s just big and dumb. Now he’s a live action movie star! God help us.
And it isn’t just Marmaduke. The A-Team? Apocalyptic hoof-beats, closing in. Back in the late 70′s (early 80′s? it’s all a heinous blur) the A-Team was a crap TV show that introduced Mr. T to the small screen. A man who should have been a one hit wonder as part of Rocky 57 (I don’t even remember which one and I’m not going to look now) became someone we had to put up with in our own homes.
Fortunately, there was something known as the “off switch”. We used it. I avoided Mr. T and the A-Team just like I skipped over reading Marmaduke in the daily comics. A brief taste of both was plenty. Now they are both appearing on the big screen. Not only that, but with big talent attached to them.
William H. Macy. Owen Wilson. Sam Elliott. Judy Greer. All in Marmaduke either as voice talent or on screen. Liam Neeson (I just threw up a little in my mouth – what the what?) and Bradley Cooper (fine, he isn’t better than this, but still) and Jessica Biel are all part of the A-Team. How did this happen? I understand that there is nothing new under the sun. That pretty much every story has already been told and what we have been entertained by for millennia is really just remakes and reruns.
But why remake stories that sucked the first time? Maybe I’m wrong, maybe the movies will be amazing and worth all the money and talent and money and resources - did I mention money? – being poured into production and marketing. Maybe the film version of a big, dumb dog will change the face of movies as we know them. But I don’t think so.
I have no problem with movie makers mining the gold of the past. But both Marmaduke and The A-Team are more like mining the pyrite and taking us all for fools. I think I’ll spend my dollars elsewhere. Perhaps on Apocalypse Insurance.
